Author: Matthew

I am dead

I wonder what it is like to be alive
To feel
I know I am not alone
I hear the silent screams of others when they are alone
The silent plea for help
I’m like them
When alone the tears fall like a waterfall

I am dead

I pretend to be okay
How are you feeling
Fine
Lie
How has your day been
Good
Lie
No one can tell
It’s a mask
The perfect mask
I am cracked, broken
But fine

I am dead

I feel invisible, unwanted
I touch and break everything in my presense
I just want to be loved
But don’t deserve it
I worry I am not good enough

I am dead

My mind is a dark place
If you were to enter it you would get lost in a sea of horror and terror
The night terrors
Inner demons scary enough to cause a heart attack
They have haunted me for years
Silently creeping through the night
Moving for hours
When they leave peace comes

I am dead

I am a coward
NO!
Act strong
NO!
I AM A COWARD!
It’s true
The truth always surfaces
I’m afraid, frustrated , anxious, UNHAPPY
Conceal it, conceal it, conceal it
Let them know and you fail
Let them know and it makes you stupid
I’m scared
Scared for those I care about
Scared of myself
Scared of my mind
The potential it has to get lost in itself

I am dead

I feeling it building
Uh oh, the lump starts to form
My eyes hurt
Run!
Be alone
You have to make it
A tear falls
Almost there
Now find a place to hide
The bathroom
Lock the door
The bedroom
Block the door
Now let it out
Don’t make any sound
They can’t hear you
It ocerwhelms my heart
It aches
It hurts physically
Relieve it
Relieve it
There!
Scratch over and over again
It hurts but feels good
It’s red but feels good
They rise
Focus on that
Ow
Keep going
Stop
Focus on the new pain
What emotional one?
Oh no
It’s worse than I thought
Don’t worry
It’ll just rise then fall
Rise then fall
You’re okay
It is getting better

I am dead

Oh no

It’s building again
Stop
Never
My breath shakes
I need a distraction
My arm sure itches
SCRATCH IT
I begin to run it
NO SCRATCH IT YOU IDIOT
Fine
I use my nails and dig into my skin
It feels so good
Scratch harder, faster
Okay
My arm turns red
I continue moving faster
What was that?
I look down and see raw skin
That’s going to hurt in the morning
It heals
But it leaves something
A reminder
A scar
Anxiety is a pain

I am dead

They always seem to follow me
Their curiosity
Piercing my soul
Whats your name
Don’t look at them
Mari
Please don’t say something else
Where did you dmtransfer from
Shoot
Short and simple
T.E.A
Cool
Thank God
It is over

I am dead

Stupid
Coward
Afraid
Ugly
Fat
Anxious
Evil
Psycho
Scared
Idiot
Pretty soon you start to believe it
You just have to keep telling yourself it
Stupid
Coward
Afraid
Ugly
Fat
Anxious
Evil
Psycho
Scared
Idiot
Say it over and over again
Stop
STOP
STOP
STOP!

I am dead.

Tree
Tremendous, marvelous
Thriving, Spreading, Rising
Nature’s tall beautiful skyscraper
Sequoia

Gorzycki Middle school

7

Walking on a road of stories
a trail of tales
Looking into their gleaming eyes
Windows into lives
Glimpses into truths and lies.
They write them down
or draw them out
Then paste them on the walls of the world
For all to see them shown and told.
Mine are inside me
private and unseen
Unwrinkled, perfect secrets
None of those are mine
Never from my time.

MANHATTAN bright with

Tinsel shopper arms of christmas gifts

I stood outside McDonalds

Glass small patch of white, people BLACK and WHITE

Hamburgers Fries

MY stomach empty for 2 days now
WAtching

Burgers

Potatoes

Cold soda

My mom is the Sun,
she keeps us all in order with gravity.

My dad is Jupiter,
he is big, strong and tough.

My sister is Venus,
small, clouded and very vicious

I am the Astroid belt,
right in the middle of it all.

Autumn auspice daunting from the ash
Remained cradling teacup so quakes couldn’t take it
Two of them now, tearing through the trees
‘Is it a bad omen?’ I asked
When morning was eclipsed by the flock
But the bird in confinement had been pensive
His warm sable feathers seemed inviting
Slipping my fingers through the slits of the cage,
He kissed them and sighed
‘When the time comes, you have nothing to fear
In the eye of the storm or the beholder
Focus fixed on you is a blessing, not a curse’

Austin High

11

Some don’t feel it
Some feel it
The pressure of it
It can be overwhelming
But once you get it under control
It will lift a load off your chest
Don’t let it overwhelm you
Once it does it will feel like a
Ton on your chest
Don’t let it win

At the dawn of the journey, a chord was struck, so gruesome
Odysseus had a ship filled with the spoils of war, but carried an even more peculiar cargo-
Pride.
The arrogant sailors provoke the gods and are expelled by the wine-dark sea, so unrelenting
Odysseus finds himself on the brink of his demise
Luckily, salvation befalls him
He is recovered by the nymph Kalypso
Odysseus remembers his home and abandons the nymph without question. So bitter
He journeys to the underworld to seek exemption from his torment
He ventures into the darkest corners of the world
Upon his sacrifice to the dead, Odysseus gains the knowledge of his escape
Odysseus is encapsulated by the shrieking and surging of death and destruction
Finally, after his assessment, a chord was struck, so bright.

Sweets, chocolates, hugs, and kisses
Valentines is so delicious,
Filled with love and happiness,
In the air is love and affection,
Bringing people together forever,
What could be more enjoyable,
then having a happy family on the most lovable day of the year.