Author: Matthew

I am dead

I wonder what it is like to be alive
To feel
I know I am not alone
I hear the silent screams of others when they are alone
The silent plea for help
I’m like them
When alone the tears fall like a waterfall

I am dead

I pretend to be okay
How are you feeling
Fine
Lie
How has your day been
Good
Lie
No one can tell
It’s a mask
The perfect mask
I am cracked, broken
But fine

I am dead

I feel invisible, unwanted
I touch and break everything in my presense
I just want to be loved
But don’t deserve it
I worry I am not good enough

I am dead

My mind is a dark place
If you were to enter it you would get lost in a sea of horror and terror
The night terrors
Inner demons scary enough to cause a heart attack
They have haunted me for years
Silently creeping through the night
Moving for hours
When they leave peace comes

I am dead

I am a coward
NO!
Act strong
NO!
I AM A COWARD!
It’s true
The truth always surfaces
I’m afraid, frustrated , anxious, UNHAPPY
Conceal it, conceal it, conceal it
Let them know and you fail
Let them know and it makes you stupid
I’m scared
Scared for those I care about
Scared of myself
Scared of my mind
The potential it has to get lost in itself

I am dead

I feeling it building
Uh oh, the lump starts to form
My eyes hurt
Run!
Be alone
You have to make it
A tear falls
Almost there
Now find a place to hide
The bathroom
Lock the door
The bedroom
Block the door
Now let it out
Don’t make any sound
They can’t hear you
It ocerwhelms my heart
It aches
It hurts physically
Relieve it
Relieve it
There!
Scratch over and over again
It hurts but feels good
It’s red but feels good
They rise
Focus on that
Ow
Keep going
Stop
Focus on the new pain
What emotional one?
Oh no
It’s worse than I thought
Don’t worry
It’ll just rise then fall
Rise then fall
You’re okay
It is getting better

I am dead

Oh no

It’s building again
Stop
Never
My breath shakes
I need a distraction
My arm sure itches
SCRATCH IT
I begin to run it
NO SCRATCH IT YOU IDIOT
Fine
I use my nails and dig into my skin
It feels so good
Scratch harder, faster
Okay
My arm turns red
I continue moving faster
What was that?
I look down and see raw skin
That’s going to hurt in the morning
It heals
But it leaves something
A reminder
A scar
Anxiety is a pain

I am dead

They always seem to follow me
Their curiosity
Piercing my soul
Whats your name
Don’t look at them
Mari
Please don’t say something else
Where did you dmtransfer from
Shoot
Short and simple
T.E.A
Cool
Thank God
It is over

I am dead

Stupid
Coward
Afraid
Ugly
Fat
Anxious
Evil
Psycho
Scared
Idiot
Pretty soon you start to believe it
You just have to keep telling yourself it
Stupid
Coward
Afraid
Ugly
Fat
Anxious
Evil
Psycho
Scared
Idiot
Say it over and over again
Stop
STOP
STOP
STOP!

I am dead.

L.C. Anderson High School

9th

I start from a seed
As small as a bead
I form roots
They grow out in shoots
Then I come out of the ground
I don’t weigh a pound
I see green
Then orange, and red, and brown
Then white
Pure white light
I realize I am taller now
Wow
I watch the seasons as they go by
I watch the skies fly
And before I know it
I am a full grown oak tree.

Gorzycki Middle School

7

I hate you,
With evey fibers of my soul,
But you are me, and I am you.
I don’t know what I hate it about you.
Maybe it’s the way you try to steal my boyfriend.
Or how you are overly nice and pure,
While I’m very strange and rude.
Or it’s how you make me want to barf,
Everytime I hear your annoying voice.
Or how you like everything that I hate.
I don’t like it when you talk about how,
You “failed” Geomeotry test,
Or how you “draw” really good,
but only traced anime things.
I hate it every time I talk about something,
You have to put your whiny pathetic opinon in.
I hate you and I will never stop hating you…

Anderson High School

9

In the bureau in my room
A stack of drawers sit atop one another
Neat stacks of

Clothes
Clothes
Clothes
Clothes

Each drawer is likewise to the first
Except the last

The last drawer on the right is an overflown rush of

Laughs
Funny times
Memories pictures
Love
Lessons dreams
Hopes

All the adolescent mess that make me
Me
All the funny times
All the lessons learned
All packed into
The last drawer on the right

Gorzycki

7

*Authors Statement: This poem may raise concerns, but I wrote it for my friend who was going through a difficult time. Things are better now. I’d like to share this poem to raise awareness and let people know that they’ll never be alone.

Laying in bed wishing I was dead
unable to decipher the thoughts in my head
like running water under the ice
boredom consumes me it’s grip like a vice
the tug of impulse at the roll of a dice
a minute decision freedom is nice
‘Just come to terms with it is their advice’
So when will I get the rest of my rights
‘Don’t act like you’re locked in a cage’
They hiss at me with their pent up rage
Meekly looking up and away-What if it is all untrue
and looking at me is looking at you
what do I see, please tell me
everyone says it’s the ugly truth
But that’s not what I see when I look at you
They won’t explain so neither will I
back to the feeling of wanting to die
sweet release, comforting fleece
Would there be a funeral? Who would come?
Remembering them with their lively dreams
guilt at the thought of tears making streams
she would miss me, and so would the others
bowing their heads and closing the shutters

To Iason

Ann Richards

9

Oh what we can imagine…
Oh the Deep Blue
Waves,
Tide,
Sand,
Sun,
Water,
SPLASH!
Paradise,
Fish,
Sharks,
“AHHH!”
Shells
“Aaaaouuuu Pretty!!!”

Oh what the Deep Blue contains

What does the Big Ocean Blue really contain?
Monsters?
Dreams?
Fear?
Treasure?
We don’t know,
anything could be hiding and lurking in the water.

We can only know so much,
about the Deep Blue

I believe the Waves, the Ocean, and the Deep Blue,
all withhold…

Secrets!
Imagination!

The ocean can withhold anything you want it to,
Deep Blue

Gorzycki

7

Violence.
Everywhere.
TV, social media, homes, newspapers, books, you name it, it’s there.
I know about the violence, the bombings, the massacres, the missiles
coming towards America, things that a twelve year old girl should not know.
I run.
Run in fear that my Country will one day not be here anymore.
They Run, we all do,
We all know what’s coming next,
They kill,
Kill themselves and others because they believe that if they kill themselves,
they will not have to see the broken pieces of their country,
Kill others because they believe that these innocent people should go down
with them.
Violence.
Causing so many people to die when they should not have,
Their Families wishing that they could have done something,
Wishing they could have fought back.
Causing innocent babies and kids to die,
They didn’t get to live the life they deserved.
While our country sits here with money, education and wealth,
They have to flee from one country to the next, running from others and
even their own government.
While we are afraid of how people judge us because of our looks, skin color
and weight, they have to deal with masacres every single day.
We wish we were taller, prettier, skinnier.
They wish they had food, water, sleep.
We no longer need to run.
But we need to fight.
Fight with all of our might against anything and everything that comes our
way.
Fight for the people who can’t.
Fight for our rights.
Fight for the life we were born to live.
Fight as children of God.
Fight for our friends,
Fight for our family,
Fight for our country.
I no longer need to run.
I no longer have to fear.
But I’m going to fight.
Fight, Fight, Fight, Fight.

Gorzycki Middle School

7

Mentally, emotional, and physically
Sometimes I wonder why does it hurt so much
Why am I in this position? Why does it suck
Should I give up, or not?
Mentally, pain can mess with one’s mind
But it’s up to the person to let pain take all of your time
Emotionally, pain can really mess us up
It could play with our emotions and leave us stuck
Physical pain, we all know it well
But it’s not something you would bring to show n’ tell
But as people say, no pain – no gain
So, Pain shapes people into who they are
Even if you have a goal that seems very far
There will be pain somewhere on your “road to glory”
Because pain is always present in any good story

Leadership Academy

12

As I stepped into the sand
my feet went from enjoying the expected
relaxing sensation of vacation to
the reality of crushed
harsh sand
compromised of sea shells
that hurt my feet
with every step.

Ann Richards School

9th

My family are stereotypical Americans.
Big, fat, loud Americans,
like overfed chickens in a slaughter house.

With their gluttonous bodies,
full of ignorance and
distasteful opinions.
Their squawking echos through
the first class train cabin.

The cabin full of
patriotic sods and a lonely,
fear ridden little, old,
innocent Czech man.

Their loud cries of pain
leaving the beaks
of my meaty family,
pierce through metal.

First class was meant to have A/C.
Americans love A/C.
I didn’t know I signed up for a sauna.

Chickens now hate saunas.

James Bowie High School

11